Tuesday, April 24, 2012

And the Saga continues........

I realize it has been 4-5 months since my last posting, but there have been many changes and a lot of soul searching. I realize by now that my life will never be normal, it's everything else other than normal. Last november I was diagnosed with poly cystic ovarian syndrome, and after doing some reasearch I found out that there is a correlation between PCOS and Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome. It was the beginning of January when I went to see my gynnecologist and went over my hystory. After careful review, it was decided that a hysterectomy would be the best course of action for me. My doctor wasn't totally convinced that the surgery would take care of all my nausea and vomiting issues, but I was so miserable at this point that I was willing to try or do just about anything. Then came the day of surgery, and after having three kids by c-section, I didnt think the pain during my recovery would be any worse. I was dealing with the the pain of the surgery and then came the emotional aspect. I felt like I was going through post partum depression. It was awful...... Finally after about two weeks of being on hormone replacemant therapy, they started to do their job and emotionally I was feeling much much better. Unfortunately I thought my vomiting issues were behind me, I was so delusional!!!!! Three weeks after suregry I had to take my mother in for minor suregry. It was a long long day with my mother and I thought I handled it very well. I was wrong and sometime around 4 in the morning the next day after my mothers surgery, came the evil monster upon me again. I had started vomiting again and instead of helping my mother, she was helping me. I was sick for the next three days. Taking all things into consideration it had been over three weeks since my last attack, so I was still hoping that things for me would get better. Well, they didn't!!!! My episodes started to appear in the typical fashion as they did before my hysterectomy, only now I had fewer body parts than what I was born with. I don't regret my surgery beacuse it has in many ways relieved a lot of other symptoms, the biggest one having to be in constant pain all the time. If I soound like I am rambling on and on, I apologize for this but I just want to get as much on as I possibly can. Now this brings me to today and how I am feeling currently. All I can say is awful. I am sick all the time, I am in and out of the emergency room, I have little to no energy, in fact I am pretty miserable most of the time. Sometimes I feel like I am in a room with over a hundred people, and yet I feel alone, isolated in my own body. I realize now that no matter what I am going to continue to suffer this way the rest of my life. I don't like it and I refuse to accept it. I am urged by my mother and my boyfreind to look for a doctor who might be able to help me. For me, all I can say right now is I am done!!!! I am done with doctors, I am done with tests, and Iam just done with being sick. I wish I could will it away. I wish that my life is anything than the way it is now. I wish for a better tomorrow....

No comments:

Post a Comment