And the Saga continues........

I realize it has been 4-5 months since my last posting, but there have been many changes and a lot of soul searching. I realize by now that my life will never be normal, it's everything else other than normal. Last november I was diagnosed with poly cystic ovarian syndrome, and after doing some reasearch I found out that there is a correlation between PCOS and Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome. It was the beginning of January when I went to see my gynnecologist and went over my hystory. After careful review, it was decided that a hysterectomy would be the best course of action for me. My doctor wasn't totally convinced that the surgery would take care of all my nausea and vomiting issues, but I was so miserable at this point that I was willing to try or do just about anything. Then came the day of surgery, and after having three kids by c-section, I didnt think the pain during my recovery would be any worse. I was dealing with the the pain of the surgery and then came the emotional aspect. I felt like I was going through post partum depression. It was awful...... Finally after about two weeks of being on hormone replacemant therapy, they started to do their job and emotionally I was feeling much much better. Unfortunately I thought my vomiting issues were behind me, I was so delusional!!!!! Three weeks after suregry I had to take my mother in for minor suregry. It was a long long day with my mother and I thought I handled it very well. I was wrong and sometime around 4 in the morning the next day after my mothers surgery, came the evil monster upon me again. I had started vomiting again and instead of helping my mother, she was helping me. I was sick for the next three days. Taking all things into consideration it had been over three weeks since my last attack, so I was still hoping that things for me would get better. Well, they didn't!!!! My episodes started to appear in the typical fashion as they did before my hysterectomy, only now I had fewer body parts than what I was born with. I don't regret my surgery beacuse it has in many ways relieved a lot of other symptoms, the biggest one having to be in constant pain all the time. If I soound like I am rambling on and on, I apologize for this but I just want to get as much on as I possibly can. Now this brings me to today and how I am feeling currently. All I can say is awful. I am sick all the time, I am in and out of the emergency room, I have little to no energy, in fact I am pretty miserable most of the time. Sometimes I feel like I am in a room with over a hundred people, and yet I feel alone, isolated in my own body. I realize now that no matter what I am going to continue to suffer this way the rest of my life. I don't like it and I refuse to accept it. I am urged by my mother and my boyfreind to look for a doctor who might be able to help me. For me, all I can say right now is I am done!!!! I am done with doctors, I am done with tests, and Iam just done with being sick. I wish I could will it away. I wish that my life is anything than the way it is now. I wish for a better tomorrow....

Hospital Stay/PCOS

It's Thanksgiving and I am spending it in the hospital. I have been here since the 20th of November. I have been having thoughts on how I am going to manage the rest of my life this way, and then I got a phone call from one of my doctors. I have been officially diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. It seems that when I am in the middle and toward the end of my menstrual cycle, my body starts to attack itself and hence I end up with cycles of Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome. So now the plan of action is to treat the PCOS in hope that we can start to manage my CVS better. I can have my symptoms reduced to as much as 75% of the time. In my eyes that is not to bad. I am sick monthly and have not been able to work. So hopefully This will help and just maybe I can get back to some type of a normal routine, living again, enjoying the small things in life again. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I have hope....That's a good thing

My New Norm.......

Life as I know it will never be the same but I have a different outlook on life. I cherish the good moments and hope the bad ones will pass before I have a chance to notice. Trying to stay positive and looking forward to putting it all to rest.
Since my last post, which was a long time ago, I have started taking CO-Q10 and Vitamin D. Is it working, I don't know but I am giving it a try. Only time will tell.....Until next time.

Linda

Summer Time

I know I need to start blogging more often, but things get so hectic that by the end of the day I'm exhausted and have no energy to turn on the computer.
Well let me just tell you a little about what's been going on with me lately. I took a three hour drive up to Pennsylvania to take my kids to camp, and of course half way through the ride up there the motion of the car going up and down the mountains triggered an attacked. Even with the patch behind my ear, I still managed to get sick.
I don't seem to be getting sick quit as often these days except for the days when I have plans. Go figure it's a catch 22. On the day of my friends fourth of July BBQ, I was sick as a dog all day, ended up in the emergency and when I got out I almost convinced myself that I felt better and I could go. I got dressed and all, until i looked in the mirror and realized that I look green. I am still trying to learn my triggers and to know when to seek the appropriate help. That's the key in all this, asking for help while not trying to burden anyone else. I am just glad that at least two of my kids are away enjoying themselves in the summer fun and not have to worry about mommy being sick. That was my goal to get my kids some sort of peace, and I did it. I love my boys. xoxoxo

Never Ending

Never Ending...... What can I say about that, this syndrome is never ending. There is no end in sight. Just when I think I am feeling better, it starts all over again. This syndrome has seem to take a life of it's own. My kids, my relationships, the way I deal with everyday life has been affected. I am cranky, moody, and down right depressed. I am a lot more depressed than I originally thought. I don't like to go out anymore, and stay in the confines of my room. I use to enjoy going out and sitting in the sun, now the sun is too much for me to take. I am only 38 years old and have been dealing with this for over a year now. What in gods green earth is life going to be like for me during the next 25 years? I don't want to know. My quality of life is shot. I have none. Most of my friends seemed to have distanced themselves from me or just act like nothing is wrong with me. I guess if you pretend like nothing is wrong, you might actually believe it. Not the case. This is my life, the rest of my life.

Linda

Insomnia

It's 2:30 in the morning and I can't seem to sleep for more than 20 min at a time.Today was an okay day. I only threw up once, dusted myself off and went about day. I try distraction, sometimes it works, other I am completely bedridden. People look at me and say you look great. What they don't understand is how sick I am inside, people ask and I try to explain the syndrome as best I can. I get the same answer, each and every time. It's so frustrating, because it's something thats not visible.
I thought having kids was hard, but living with this disorder takes the cake. I try to smile, I try to stay positive, but I never know when I will be sick or how long it will last. I just wish I felt well. It's so depressing at times. My friends and family see the day to day struggles I have, but they don't know what's really going on inside. Besides feeling sick, at times I feel mentally broken.

It's been some time since my last post. I wish I could say it was because I have been feeling so great that I have no time to blog. But that hasn't been the  case.
Since my last post I have been to the Emergency room twice and one overnight stay. I hate going to the hospital and getting poked. I just hate being there, period.
I have started to identify some signs that a CVS episode is coming on. I tend to get extremely tired, cold, and just an overall feeling like I am going to get sick.
I love it when I feel well, I'm active. I cook more often, clean everyday, laundry doesn't get backed up. Everyone is happy, but it is always short lived. I know that lurking around the corner is another cycle of unrelenting nausea and vomiting. This illness has affected my life on so many different levels. I am trying to do my best as a parent, but kids don't often see it that way.
I managed to get a little reprieve and went on a 10 day cruise. It was fantastic except for the kids torturing us. All in all, it was a good time. I did get sick on the cruise, but it was minimal. Stress is definitely a factor and being on vacation, helped me put all my worries behind.
Until next time........

                     Linda